It isn't silence at all, really. Many times when I go out walking, I encounter very few other souls. I am always shocked by the loudness of the human voices as they talk on cell phones even out in the sacred space of nature. I rarely even bring my phone with me...as my most passionate calls have nothing to do with people. But today, we meet no one...human that is. My heart is beating wildly. The tracks in the snow inform me who has passed this way and when. I cross paths with the prints of a great buck. Grace runs in circles, chasing the red squirrels and rolling in smells that only she can appreciate. She tracks the deer. They were passing through here just a few hours ago and they have left messages for us with their foot prints. The clouds begin to break as blue patches of sky spread the darkness and make way for the warmth of sun. A raucous commotion gives Grace pause and I stop to watch where the noise is coming from. A mob of Blue Jays disperses making warrior cries as they fly. I breathe in deeply. I walk and then stop and listen. Walk some more. Sit on a stump. Watch Grace dig and pull out sticks buried in the snow. There is a long hush. I think about being retired...at least the part about unemployment. I look like I'm doing nothing.
I question my purpose now that I have spent most of my life serving the public, helping the mentally ill and the handicapped, teaching, reading and writing and being productive. I have created a home and a family and raised two incredible sons who make me proud of my humanity. I have been a sister, wife, mother, lover, daughter, friend. My life has been rich with gifts and challenges and I feel grateful for the love that has met me along the way. I breathe. A fox has run past this stump I sit on and a snowshoe hare has left a trail before diving into a pile of downed branches covered with snow. I grow food for my family now. It is my small answer to the worlds' problems...the politics of food and water and homes and energy. I have learned that I am a fool to trust the manmade world around me. My government caters to the rich and powerful that find profit the highest priority despite the cost in human life. Unsafe food ...drugs...empty promises. Law enforcement that is more criminal than many forced to sit in prison for petty crimes of youth. Corporations that privatize clean water and even want to charge money for polluted water. There is so much wrong with the world. At this point in my life, I have lost my patience with bullshit. Humanity seems to be blinded by deeply personal and emotional beliefs. The political arena is a complete farce with all the lies and promises delivered out of personal agenda. The most intelligent minds of our country..those who sit on the Supreme Court have even decided that corporations are individuals. The depth of deceit is horrifying. It is easy to become bogged down and despairing during these days of darkness and cold. I shiver. Clouds pass over and a wind rises and moves through the trees. A shadow falls across the trail. I have come to the woods to pray. I feel so small and ineffective...sometimes brittle and bitter with the years passage and the knowledge I have gleaned. My heart yearns to offer salve for the wounded and hope for the despairing. What can one person do? What can one small human offer during these dark days?
The woods come alive with the sound of laughter...the beating rhythm of a drum. A Pileated woodpecker flits across the sky and down among the trees. Grace stops short when she hears that wild laughter...curious and cautious. We stop and listen again. Two woodpeckers begin a frolic among the trees. The big black bodies topped with bright red weave in and out of the trees. Their flight is unique and as they soar and dip and soar and dip, their underwings become visible...their large patches of white are revealed. I listen to the trees telling me...I am doing a job as I stand here looking like I'm doing nothing. I am converting what is negative and poison in my world into something useful and positive. I am breathing in and breathing out...giving the trees what they need to give me what I need.
And the music of a raucous laughter in sterio applauds the effort. I pray for humanity to wake up...to value life and love and each other over greed and power. I pray for me and for U.S. to recognize how interconnected we are to all other humans and nations. We no longer have time to indulge in egocentric nationalism and religous bickering. We are trees...the woods... the wilderness...the one people living on the one planet...and she is all we have. For now. Can we not love her and care for her as our home? Such simplicity...why is it so very difficult?
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